Finding solutions to all your situations is never easy, in fact in many situations real solutions are not found, just a shit ton of spit and glue. This band-aide affect will eventually wear and the situation will reemerge, in either the same way of manifest into another situation. In trying to fix everything all the time you ultimately run the risk of creating more harm than good.
There are 4 solid strategies you can use to help yourself in any situation. (Notice how I have not yet called “it” a problem, there are no problems only situations.)
The first strategy is Transparent Communication. This is where you are completely open to yourself or another person in which you are currently experiencing a struggle. Creating this open discussion builds trust within the parties to feel less threatened and a more willingness to share. Taking the “You” out of the conversation and replace it with, “I feel” creates a less reactive tone and keeps a positive flow to communications. This allows all parties to be heard and feel valued.
The second strategy is breaking down the barriers. Allow yourself to feel hurt, embarrassed or ashamed; by allowing these feeling we can begin to be ready to make amends. Also, check your ego at the door, you do not have to the be the star in every situation. In fact, by having an ego that over powers the situations, it could perpetuate it and create other barriers. There is also the bully factor, the people around you will create walls around to protect themselves from anymore hurt and distrust. They will feel inferior and afraid to be open.
The third strategy is keep an open-mind. You are not going to agree with everyone, but by shutting down someone else’s ideas because you morally do not agree prevents growth and spreads hate. This also creates what I like to call the perpetual cycle of shit. This is when a closed-minded person repeats talks and fights in a circle, repeating over and over what has already been said to over extenuate their point. They are stuck in their own hell and eventually, the open communication is broken and everyone shuts down.
The last strategy is to create a strategy. Ask yourself, what is the best way to attack this situation. Break down the situation into steps, so instead of one large situation your now have several small ones that are much easier to solve. By creating a plan of action with the other party, you have found a common ground to work through instead of fight over. Compromise can be found within teamwork and cooperation.
These 4 strategies can be applied to every aspect of your life, from weight loss to work issues to marital situations. By becoming transparent and allow yourself to feel you open yourself for growth and new understanding of yourself and others.
Stacie A. Zamperini M.Ed.